This has been going on for less than two weeks, and already I have trouble believing some of the conversations we have at work now. They make sense while they’re happening, but out of context, it makes you wonder whether mankind really can be God’s greatest achievement.Which is another way of saying that I had another phone call from Phil.
“We’ve had a couple of people ask if we can short-cut this process. Like, ‘Can we speed through the sex scenes? We could watch twice as many movies if we could speed through the sex scenes.’ We had a serious discussion here at headquarters and decided that you cannot, cannot fast forward through the sex. The actors always talk during sex, and we are concerned that if you don’t listen to what they say while they’re having sex, you might miss something on the D.A.’s list.”
“What, you mean someone might, in the heat of passion, yell out, ‘Fuck my fourteen year old pussy harder’? That kind of thing?”
“Exactly. Good to know we’re on the same page.”
“So I guess that fast-forwarding through the plot is out of the question as well.”
“That’s right. I mean, what if one the characters talks about how he used to jerk off his dog when he was a kid? You’d miss that if you were speeding through the dialogue.”
“I know the D.A.’s list mentions sex with animals, but does it say anything about talking about sex with animals?”
“Do you want to risk it? I’m not going to jail just because you thought it was okay to talk about jerking off dogs.”
Mental note: I need to remember this last sentence and use it on Phil in some other context in the future. Finding the right moment will be a challenge, but not impossible.
“So you're saying that keeping the volume down is a bad idea as well?”
“You got it. Tell your staff. Thanks, champ.”
Fuck.
No pun intended.
That means that there’s a few tapes that I have to watch all over again now.
